Thursday, May 31, 2012

Sunshine.  Today's post is going to reflect the beautiful day that we had today.  I was able to go with my husband to get our USCIS fingerprints today... and so we wait now for word on our approval.  I also got to spend time with my kids at the pool.  Splashing and having fun and friends while we enjoyed the beautiful weather... what more can you ask for?

There have been a lot of new faces posted online that are in need of families that are not so lucky.  Each of these kiddos grabbed my attention and made me smile when I saw them... please click on their photos to learn more about them. 

"I have been impressed with the urgency of doing.  Knowing is not enough; we must apply.  Being willing is not enough; we must do." ~ Leonardo da Vinci

This is "Katie".  Doesn't her beautiful smile just make you want to swing her up in your arms and go play?  This little 3 year old girl needs a mommy to share snow cones and read "Good Night Moon".

This is "Joseph".  Look Ma ... blue hands!  Don't you just want to know what he has been up to to get so wonderfully colorful?!  Ah, the possibilities.  He loves to play with the other kids and the dog.  One of his favorite things to do is also the same as my son's ... LEGOS!  Unfortunately, this great kid has something going against him... the clock.  You see, he is already 13 years old and in just a few short years, he will be too old to be adopted, yet still on his own.  Do you have room at your table?


"Thadius"is a beautiful sunny baby, with his red hair and happy disposition.  Isn't he just squishy?!  He could be home for his first birthday... can we make that happen for this little guy?


"Emmalyn" is 11 years old and has such a pretty smile.  Her bobbed hair and floral shirt just SHOUT spring!  She could be doing so much with her family this summer.  Playing with dolls, coloring pictures or playing on the iPad.  I can see her at the pool, just like we were today.  How her life could be changed if only she can be saved from a life in an institution.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

The future for ... Maggie
http://butbygraceitcouldbeme.blogspot.com/ for other musings

Ah, sweet Maggie.  Such a cute little girl who should have the world as her playground.  This little one isn't even 3 years old yet.  She would blossom in a loving home with the support of a family.  I can see her at home, her hair grown out and put up into pig-tails with ribbon streamers, bouncing up and down in her excitement when daddy gets home.  Her little arms lift up as her eyes sparkle in greeting and she giggles as her daddy tosses her into the air and catches her into a huge bear hug complete with kisses.  She tugs at his arm to get him to move towards the kitchen where her art work from earlier in the day is proudly displayed on the refrigerator.  Later, she curiously crawls after the family cat to "pat kitty"... or tug its tail.  Evenings would be full of family fun, sitting on the floor playing with puzzles and games with her brothers and/or sisters.  Would she like kindermusic or mommy and me yoga?  Is she a tom-boy or fru-fru girl?  Maybe she is both, playing with frogs and toads while wearing a tutu?!  Will you find out?

Friday, May 18, 2012

The future of ... Presley

Follow along with other's thoughts on his future at http://butbygraceitcouldbeme.blogspot.com/

What gorgeous baby blues...perhaps he should be named "Frankie"?!  This poor little guy needs a family here on Earth before he ascends to his heavenly Father.  Without good medical care for his leukemia, that trip could be much sooner than any child deserves.

So what types of things do I see Presley doing?  Why, what does ANY 4 year old boy enjoy?  Trips to the zoo.  Play dates with friends.  Balloons.  Tail wagging, face licking puppies.  Pizza.  Calliou and Thomas the train and the Back Yardigans.  Cars and trains and planes.

You can introduce him to each of these things along your way home from his country.  I know we all remember the old saying "Little boys are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails".  Maybe this throw-back in thinking is what leads most adopters to subconsciously favor girls of "sugar and spice"?  But little boys can be snuggly when you read them stories before bed and loving and cute little imps.  My son is the most helpful around the house and does his chores without the constant reminder his sisters require.  Boys have a quirky sense of humor (burping the alphabet and whoopie cushions come to mind).  They have a unique perspective on dirt and grime and sticks that can be hard for girls to understand at any age.  Each little hand can so easily hold your heart for a lifetime if you let them.  Could this little man have made his way into your heart?  Could this little boy belong to you?

Thursday, May 17, 2012

The future of... Reid.

For the next 15 days, there will be posts on 15 different children looking for families of their own.  http://butbygraceitcouldbeme.blogspot.com/ is where you begin this journey... please stop in every day for the next 2 weeks to continue this saga.

Last weekend I was lucky enough to be able to go with my daughter J and her teammates to the Challenger Baseball World Jamboree in Norfolk.  There were over 60 teams from 6+ states in attendance for the 3 days of games and activities.  There were children with walkers and wheelchairs and strollers and cleats.  There were dancers and swimmers amongst them too!  All of a sudden, the kids that are always a minority, "different" or "slow" are now being cheered instead of jeered.  These kids are hitting home runs to standing ovations and showing how the smallest accomplishment can garnish the greatest reward.  These kids have the best outlook and sportsmanship I have seen in a long time.    There is no screaming at umpires for bad calls or booing of players.  They are truly a great group of kids and young adults that I am proud to say I know.

And there is Reid.  What a cute little guy!  I can see him in a family so much like our own and the others that I saw last weekend.  I could see him succeeding at this game of life: playing catch with his dad and brothers, running to home base into his mom's arms, cheering on his friends and team.  Back at the hotel, the pool is the place to be!  It doesn't matter if you can walk or stand on your own on land, because the water is a whole other world.  In the water you can be graceful or fast or goofy or just like any other person there.  He can play Marco Polo with his brothers and sisters or just float on past the action.  Did I mention the HOT TUB?!?  Oh yeah baby!  Hot tubs are the bomb-digity!  Ah... nothing like it after a hard work out on the field to relax those tired muscles before going out on the boardwalk for some dinner and seafood.  I wonder what Reid would think of shrimp or crab?  Would he rather have a burger and fries or would he be daring and want a shrimp cocktail of his own?  What about ice cream for dessert?  Sounds good, huh?  Well what if you had never had cold beverages before, everything you ever drank was tepid, not even some ice to cool down your tea on a hot day.  How strange would it be to get that first taste of ice-cold creaminess on your tongue?  Hmmm... vanilla, chocolate or strawberry... which would you choose?

And a quick blurb on us:

Ok, I guess it is time for a quick adoption process update for those out there that are interested in following our progress.

We completed our homestudy on 4/30/12. We have now also completed all of our Dossier and it is on it's way to Eastern Europe! We are now awaiting our USCIS fingerprints & then approval. So, all in all.. I would have to say that this process is moving much more quickly than I had anticipated. We committed to our *hopefully* new son the end of Feb./first of March and it is now Mid-May. IF we get a quick fingerprint appointment and approval here... we potentially could be looking at having him home before the start of school in the fall! You never know, stranger things have happened (like the fact that our first choice in child care is due with her 2nd child Aug. 6th). We'll just have to play things by ear and take them as they come.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

"In the future ... of Keaton"

This is the story of 16 children who are each unique and in search of their one true family.  You may be blessed with children of your own, by birth or marriage or chance.  This is Keaton's chance to shine and look for one of his own...

Keaton is going to be 6 years old in just a few months and is at a cross roads.  His life could go down one of two paths and it is up to us to decide his future.  Yes, just like on American Idol you can VOTE and make a difference with just a click of your phone or facebook or email.  You can choose to forward his story and picture to your friends and they can forward it to their friends until he has so many people rooting for him that he becomes a "winner".  The prize?  A family of his own!

What do I think his life could be like with a loving family, proper nutrition, medical care and education?

I see Keaton as a Rock Star.  I can picture him as a child, jambing out on the game Rock Band.  As a teenager, I see him learning to play an instrument, maybe an electric guitar or the drums.  School gives him the opportunity to play in concert bands and in competitions, then on the weekend, he can be found jamming to the beat with his buddies in the garage. The neighbors can feel the music as they go about their yard work with a smile on their face, enjoying the serenade.  I picture Keaton with his hair teased and styled with gel, maybe with some highlights of black or red to set him apart from the crowd.  As the band gets better, they start to play at some near by events; a coffee house or restaurant and become local favorites.  The next stop?  What does a music lover do?  Why, he plays music of course?  For his own pleasure, for family and friends .. because it goes all the way to his soul.  What type of music could you introduce him to to grab his interest and broaden his mind? Mozart? Bach? Christian Rock? the Blues? Jazz?  Country?  Wow, so many many genres in just this one small bit of interest.  What else could his eyes be opened to?  What other interests could he develop and pursue?  No one will know until they take a chance and allow him to develop into all of his what-ifs and could-bes and do-be-doos.

Rock on Keaton!

Monday, May 7, 2012

Today my heart is breaking for those children that have reached out and said, YES - I want a mama and papa too!  These three children are still looking for a mom and dad to take them into their hearts and homes.  They stepped forward to have their pictures taken when a stranger came by and said, "Do you want me to try and find you a family?"  They live someplace that looks at their physical limitations and labels them as worthless.  I know this is NOT TRUE!  From experience with my own family and friends, I know that life is full of struggles, and that it can define you.  It can make you cold and bitter or it can make you stronger and better person.  These young people have not let others define their worth and have taken a chance... won't you take one too?  Give to their funds.   Forward their pictures and stories.  Step out in FAITH to take the less traveled path of adoption.   I KNOW that they have families out there waiting to embrace them and show them how much they are loved.  They each claim a special piece of my heart just from seeing their pictures, hearing their stories, and talking with other moms who have personally met each one.

Erin is going to turn 10 years old this year.  She's just a few months younger than my son.  Erin should be going to Girl Scout meetings and be on the swim team this summer.  I can see her chatting on the phone with her friends and going to parties.  I know she would love going to Five Below and picking out nail polish and hair bows.  I can see her writing in her diary and sharing secrets with her new friends.  She is waiting for a family because she has CP and needs AFO's on her feet to help her walk and run. Because her feet are not perfect, she is seen as being less smart and less capable than other kids.  This simply is not true!  Help her to show the world that she can SHINE!

Marcus is also going to turn 10 before the end of this year.  Oh how my heart aches for this boy!  My son N so loves to sit with me and snuggle, watching TV or reading stories at the end of the day.  As much as he strives to be independent throughout the day, acting like the responsible older brother, he also wants to know that he is loved and appreciated and lets himself be vulnerable at the end of the day, wrapped against my side knowing he is safe and loved.  Marcus yearns for the same thing.  Unfortunately there are not arms to hold him and a mom and dad to tell him that he is loved with all their heart.  He doesn't have anyone to wipe away his tears when he is sad or hurt, to kiss his boo-boos better.  He doesn't have anyone to cheer him on and praise him for his good work at school or in the play.  There aren't photo albums and pictures on the wall documenting his achievements.  There isn't anyone there to tell him that he is more than just a boy in a wheelchair.  I have no doubt that he could change your world, if only given the chance.
And then there is Carter.  He badly needs a family, having several of his good friends leave and find their own families without having one of his own will break his heart.  He has SPUNK!  http://butbygraceitcouldbeme.blogspot.com/2012/03/smart-mouthed-fat-dumb-as-doornail.html This link says more about Carter than I could possibly put into words.  He is a lovable scamp that would fit right in with a family and desperately wishes for his own. 



For more information...  http://reecesrainbow.org/


Monday, April 30, 2012


A day in the life...

People tend to tell me that they are "sorry" when they hear that I have a child with multiple special needs.  I always felt that she was especially blessed.  She is an easy child, very loving and easy going.  She doesn't give me "grief" or get into too much trouble (at least not on any regular basis ;)  I had always thought that she was the lucky one.  She wouldn't have to worry about what she was going to "be" when she grew up, she'd just be herself.  She wouldn't have to stress over money or finances because we would make sure she was taken care of.  J wouldn't ever be alone, because she has a brother and sisters and aunts and uncles and cousins that all love her, even when her father and I are long gone. 

But then I was introduced to the plight of children with special needs in other countries.  Many of them are still 50 years + behind us in how we treat and care for our family members with down syndrome, cerebral palsy, and various other mental and physical impairments.  Where today, people in the United States are able to have large organizations such as ADA and the ARC fighting for their right to equal rights and accessibility with in our country; other places are not so lucky.

J began early intervention services as soon as she returned home from the hospital.  A teacher and therapists all came into our home on a weekly basis to help her reach various goals.  When she turned 2 years old, she was able to attend the local elementary school in their special education preschool class with transportation provided by the county.  When she moved up to school age, there was another class waiting for her with assistive technology and other aides to assist her in moving forward, and so on until she ages out of High School and then joins a day program.  She may even decide one day to try and live a more independent life in a group home with other people with special needs.  I don't know what the future will bring, but I do know that she will have one and that it doesn't look so bad.

In many other countries around the world, their young and adults with mental and physical impairments are shut away in institutions.  There are no wheelchair ramps, handicapped parking, handicap bathroom stalls, or phones and televisions with captioning for the hearing impaired. There are no accommodations for special needs in public or private settings.  You may be able to move around within your apartment, but could you get out of it through the front door, or down stairs, or into a doctor's office or government building?  Do the old buildings have wider doorways or an elevator large enough for your manual wheelchair?  Most likely the answer is no.

So what happens to children with special needs?  Most often, their families leave them at the hospital when they are born or to an orphanage as soon as their needs become evident.  It is an issue that needs to be resolved through the societies.  We were no better than them not so many years ago with our own mandatory sterilization programs and lobotomies.  But perhaps we can help them get to where they need to be quicker than it took us to learn it on our own.  We can show them how much these members of society can accomplish with a little faith and guidance. But until that happens, there are still orphans in need of moms and dads.

Here are a few children and families that could use our help and have been beautifully lifted up in other blogs as you can see here:

http://butbygraceitcouldbeme.blogspot.com/  Keegan, a 1 year old whose baby house is closing and is in imminant danger of being institutionalized!!!

http://godsrainbowsinourlives.blogspot.com/2012/04/waiting-children-post-4-28-12.html Please especially pray for Marcia who is 5 years old and has been sent to an adult mental institution.  She needs a family now to love her and help her recover from this traumatic event.

http://covenantbuilders.blogspot.com/  And then we have families in process of adopting some children with special needs that still need our help. 

Friday, April 27, 2012

Well, I'm just going to go with a post today that is on my heart.  I had wanted to advocate for the other families adopting that I know... but I can't get some of the kids off of my mind.. so I guess the other will have to wait until another day.

We have committed to adopting a certain boy and I know in my heart that this is the right path for us to take.  That doesn't mean that I am not drawn towards certain other children in need or that they don't touch my heart in some way.  These are the ones that I feel would fit into my family easily and probably many other homes out there as well. Their medical needs and diagnosis's are easily treatable here and I feel would be able to be brought into any size family with ease.  They all have very impersonal medical diagnosis's in their write ups, yet they could be my child.  I look at my kids and see those very descriptions in different ways.  I hope that you can too.

One of the first children I saw that grabbed my heart was "Marcus".  His little impish grin and almost dimple remind me so much of my own son that is the same age!
He is 9 years old and needs a home that is wheelchair accessible.  He has been asking for over a year for them to find them a family of his own. He is quiet and well mannered and very independent. He is doing very well in school and should continue to do so.  He hasn't had a whole lot to smile about in his life, and I would love for that to change for him!  If we could add another, I would bring him  home in a heart beat!

There is a beautiful little girl who is called "Aleksa".  At 7 years old, she is my youngest daughter's age!  Look at that SMILE!  She uses a walker, as does my middle daughter, and would probably need glasses.  That doesn't sound so overwhelming, does it?  I can tell you, that a walker will not slow her down in the slightest.  She loves typical kid stuff, playing with toys and games and I can just see her with her first BARBIE!


Another little boy who I think would fit into our family easy-peasy is "George".  At 5-1/2 years old he is ready to go to school and make new friends.  Although he has some health concerns that would need to be followed by specialists, it sounds like he would be able to live a long, happy, "normal" independent life!  I can picture him running and playing on the playground equipment, laughing at his friends and family and just being a typical kid.  Could he be yours?

And then there is 4 year old "Anne".  Look at her beautiful outfit all ready to go out to church or maybe a visit with grandma?  What a huge BOW!  In an orphanage, typically the bigger the bow, the more favored the child, she must be some one's favorite little girl there.  She has a seizure disorder, so a good neuro and medication would be needed.  She is behind in her skills, but if her seizures are not under control, she is missing out on being aware of the world around her during those times.  Again, having a child with a seizure disorder, seeing her all dolled up in her Sunday Best with her big brown eyes and brown hair makes me just want to hug her close and help her find her mommy.  She could so easily be one of my own.  Maybe she is yours?

"Marshall" is an on the go 2 year old ready to rock your world!  He was born with hydrocephalus (extra fluid in the brain) but looks like he has either already had shunt surgery or it is no longer an issue.  What does this mean?  Seeing a neurosurgeon to see how he is doing and if anything further needs to be done, probably with yearly follow ups just to keep tabs as he grows.  Not a huge deal in the US with our wonderful doctors and equipment, but in his country, if it gets worse, it could mean brain damage and death.  Are you dreaming that your family had a little boy in it?  Can you see matchbox cars, Lego's, and t-ball practices in your future?  Please consider "Marshall".

And what family could be complete without a precious little angel baby?  "Harlowe" is only 3 months old and have you seen a cuter little girl?!  She has been diagnosed with Down's Syndrome but there is no mention of any health impairments.  How wonderful would it be to have the chance to include her in your family and see her grow from an infant to adult and celebrate all those milestones with her.. rolling over, sitting up, taking her first steps, being able to say "mama" and "dada" to people who love her. To be there at her graduation and see her living her own life, something that is not possible in her home country at this time.  Here, her future possibilities are limitless!  Will you open your heart and home to this little one?

All of the above children are looking for adoptive families of their own.  I understand that everyone cannot adopt, if you could, then there wouldn't be any more orphans!  Be that as it may, could you do something for me?  If you could share their information via this blog would be one way to help.  The more people that see them, the better chance they stand of finding a forever family of their own.  Another way is to donate to their adoption funds, because international adoption is pretty expensive.  Sometimes having a grant to offer perspective adoptive parents can sway them to move forward when the lack of money in their pockets give them pause even when their hearts are willing and open.

More information on international adoption for special needs kids can be found at  http://reecesrainbow.org/

Do what you feel is right and where your own conscience leads you.  Thank you!





Tuesday, April 24, 2012

How to be happy is as easy as 1-2-3.
1.  Know what you want to accomplish in life.
2.  Have a plan on how to reach your goals and a timeline.
3.  Smile.  You have no choice in what happens to you in life, but you have every choice in how you react to the things that do. 

Many things in life we think will "bring us happiness": If only I had a boyfriend/girlfriend.  If only I had a new job.  If only I had more money.  If only I had a better (car, phone, tv, etc.).  No THING can make us happier, only our perception of the world around us can be altered to interpret our lives as something good or bad, happy or sad.  Everyone has trials and both good times and bad, it's life.  Love doesn't last without mutual respect, dedication and work.  Money doesn't cure disease or old age.  Newer and bigger things might come at the expense of time spent with your family due to more hours worked or a longer commute.  Things just take you away from what matters most - people; friends and family.

My husband and I took a long belated honeymoon and anniversary trip to Maui, Hawaii this year in celebration of our 20 years  together.  The weather and beaches were beautiful.  The people were friendly and a larger pot of multiculturalism than I had known... Native Hawaiians, Polynesians, Asians, Filipino, Portuguese, and more!  This is where our Nation dreams of as PARADISE.  Do you know what I saw?  I saw large areas of high end tourism with luxury resorts along the western coast.  Then I saw a lot of housing in central Maui that consisted of most of the working population that was either owned by multiple families due to the cost of property there or renters.  This used to be a huge sugar cane plantation with thousands of workers.. now there are only about 700 workers with one sugar mill left.  Rising labor costs have driven businesses overseas where the labor wages are less.  Then we took our tour along the Road to Hana.  On this drive, we saw multigenerational native land holders with no electricity, no water and living in shacks or house kits (the home building materials are delivered in like a small POD and the home is built, then the POD is used as a garage or storage shed). These houses are smaller than most people's garages.  Evidently they only come in Aqua because that seems to be all we saw along the way.  Don't get me wrong... it is a beautiful place, but it is far from IDEAL in every sense of that word. 

Sunday was Earth Day.  We need to stop thinking that More = Better, that quantity should be valued over quality.  It would take a big shift in thinking, but in mass this type of thinking of a better tomorrow over our wants and desires for today could change the world.  We only have one planet to call our home and we are all one People, no matter our color or country or religion.  I read "Genome the autobiography of a Species in 23 chapters" by Matt Ridley this weekend and there was one paragraph that specifically spoke to me where he wrote on page 76;
     "Even if a gene causes a disease by being 'broken', most genes are not 'broken' in any of us, they just come in different flavours. The blue-eyed gene is not a broken version of the brown-eyed gene, or the red-haired gene a broken version of the brown-haired gene.  They are, in the jargon, different alleles - alternate versions of the same genetic 'paragraph', all equally fit, valid and legitimate.  They are all normal; there is no single definition of  normality."

So in essence, if all expressions of genes are normal, then so are all people.  Whether you are tall or short, big or small, dark or light, blind, deaf, or have Downs syndrome - each one is normal and perfectly made.  Judea-Christian religions believe that God made each in his own image and now even science has bore out this theory as truth, each of us perfectly made.

Now if only there is a way to spread this message to the world.  A way to get everyone to understand that there is no difference between us.  The earthquake victim in S. America or the flood victim in Louisiana or the drought victim in Africa or the orphans in Eastern Europe are all our friends, neighbors and family.  None is more important than any other, whether they are right next door or half way around the world.  Often we have myoptic vision and life is centered directly around our daily lives and location.  We need to open our hearts and minds to the interconnectedness of our world and that it is all our neighborhood.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Spring Fever and a Mud Monster

About March when you first start noticing the warmer days, maybe some spring crocus or daffodils have emerged, this is when it first strikes.  You want to get outside, wash your outdoor furniture off, fire up the grill and get things tidied up in the yard... and that's when...the yellow pollen comes and takes over the world for about 2 weeks!  You are stuck back inside again - battling between opening the windows to the beautiful weather and keeping them sealed up tight against the yellow invader.  Either way, you are doomed.  This year, to top it off... you have an over abundance of green inch worms and their silky threads that are taking over every tree, doorway and mailbox in the neighborhood!

The kids and even pets get antsy and want to be outside as much as possible, running around and playing.  If you aren't careful... this may be what comes back...
I look at my seedlings and wish the days warmer and longer just to watch them spring to life... and be that much closer to my dinner plate!  This is one of the times of year I also miss my parents the most.  Dad and I would sit around looking through seed catalogues or going to nurseries on the weekends.  Sometimes we would buy things, whether there was a place to put it or not, and other times we would just dream big.  I am a planner.  I draw pictures and graphs to plot things out.  I have 6 month - 1 year - 5 year plans for my yard, our vacations and just about everything.  Sometimes it evolves and changes along the way, but for the most part, I stick with it.  So I have goals to look forward to whether it is spring peas, my koi pond, or bringing home an adopted son.  Dad on the other hand was a plopper.  If there was an empty spot in the yard - in went the new plant.  Was it the right soil or lighting?  Didn't matter.  If it didn't work out there, he'd just grab a shovel and relocate it.  His favorite flowers were roses and iris.  Every year new varieties and colors would come out and he would try to sneak an order or new plant past my mom, but was rarely successful without being caught.  I was his "partner in crime".  After he and mom passed away, we moved into their house, the one I grew up in and lived from the time I was 3 years old until I married.  I am still trying to get the yard into some type of order - things went wild without his care and attention.  Plants that aren't a nuisance to others reseeded, suckered and spread here.  Trees grew in odd places and vines stealthily crept forward until they could leap out of hiding to cover everything in their path.  It is a labor of love, but also of perseverance and some good ole hard work (hey, honey!  Does this count as "exercise"?)  I know that every time I plant something, pull a weed or look through a nursery catalogue they are with me and enjoying the view.  I can also stroll through the yard and point out to my kids the stories and memories that I have of my parents/their grandparents to help build their memory in more than just stories, but in ways that will help them to recall them with all their senses... the smell of dirt and flowers and herbs, the sound of birds and bees, the taste of veggies and fruits from our garden. 

Spring is a time of rebirth and remembrance for me... and I value it's lessons.

Friday, March 30, 2012

The ARC of Virginia is collecting stories to give the the Judge in the DOJ case against the state of Virginia for its failure to provide funding and "least restrictive environment" housing options for people with special needs.  Please,  if you or someone you know has a medicaid waiver (for people with mental or physical disabilities, autism spectrum disorders and the ELDERLY) write to the Judge at the address listed below to show your support of the settlement agreement!  As you can see, anything can happen to anyone at any time, and if this can happen to my family, it could happen to anyone.  This is time sensitive and is really really important to help those that are already in the system as well as for the thousands that are still waiting for help and whose parents are aging rapidly.  Thank you for passing this on to others and sharing the need.  More information can be found at http://www.thearcofva.org/

Here is our letter:


March 8, 2012

 The Honorable John Gibney
Spottswood W. Robinson III and Robert R. Merhige, Jr.
Federal Courthouse
701 East Broad Street
Richmond, VA 23219

Your Honors;

My daughter, J, who was able to get a Medicaid I/D Waiver after a 10 year wait on the URGENT waiting list, she is now 14, almost 15 years old.  We have had this for several years now and it is nothing short of a god-send.  When J was 1 year old, she contracted meningitis and was hospitalized for several months bouncing between the intensive care unit of MCV and Children’s Hospital of VA.  My vibrant, typical, healthy toddler could now do nothing on her own, not even the skills of a newborn.  She could not suck, lift her head, roll over or focus her eyes.  She lost her hearing, had a bilateral stroke which resulted in loss of coordination in her muscles as well as right sided weakness, the scaring in her brain resulted in hydrocephalous and a VA-shunt, she also started having seizures and needed help eating via a tube.  We had years of therapy, specialists, medication, continent care supplies and formula that came directly out of our monthly paychecks, hundreds of dollars a month.  But that was only one cost.  The other was time; time that I did not have to spend with my husband or other children.  As J grew older, it became more difficult to care for her as well as to help my mother with my father’s failing health and subsequent hospice, but we did our best.  An aide in the home to help with Jasmine’s daily care and personal hygiene needs would have been wonderful to have at this time in our lives.


Today, J needs help in all areas of daily living.  She is able to use a walker at school for her main means of getting around, but requires a 1:1 aide to be with her, direct her and make sure that she does not have a seizure during this independence.  She can finger-feed herself or lift and use a loaded fork and drink using a straw, but continues to need a feeding tube (or “button”) for her medications and supplemental formula in order to keep her weight up, as she burns more calories than she can intake orally.  She also continues to need assistance with dressing, bathing, continence care, brushing her teeth, food preparation and meal time, walking support, and communication since she is non-verbal.  She does not have any survival reflexes… if she begins to fall, she just holds onto the walker or falls from the couch head-first where most people would brace their hands to catch themselves.

Above is a list of all the things that J needs help with, that she can’t do and how her “diagnosis” on paper looks.  Now I am going to tell you what she CAN do!  She can make the dreariest day brighter with her sparkling smile and easy going attitude.  She absolutely LOVES to go to school or to her Challenger Baseball games or just out to eat with the family. She giggles when you tickle her and lights up like a firecracker at the sight of her father after work.  J shines when she is able to do things with her peers and wistfully watches younger kids out playing in the street.  A personal care aide through the respite program allows her to be a kid during the summer.  She gets to go bowling (without her mom, because, let’s get real…what 14 year old wants to always hang out with MOM??!), to the movies, go to the mall, to parties, the pool, horseback riding, and out to eat.  She even enjoys SKATING!  She is able to have someone with her that can help be a bridge between her and those outside her normal sphere.  She gets to be more independent. That she can have any independence and make decisions for herself is our greatest wish for her, one that most people take for granted.  I know I have.

This is why it is so very important to fund the Medicaid waiver program.  The people who have the most challenges also have the quietest voices, you have to stop and listen to their whisper… because although it comes out of their mouths a whisper, their hearts are shouting to be heard.  There is not enough funding to help the ones that are already waiting.  There is a huge group of people who have been waiting years if not decades for their loved ones to get some help.  We don’t want to have our family members shut away behind doors, we want them to be here, with us, out doing things that they can, however they can.  I would love to see J have her own place someday, where she is able to decide where she wants to go and what she wants to do.  Our greatest fear is what will happen to her when we are gone or even if we are unable to oversee her care.  The Agreement provides protections, oversight and more accountability that is so important. 

 I plead with you to require more of us as a State, more of us as a society, to care for those that cannot (not won’t, but can’t) take care of themselves without outside help.  I am a voter.  I am a taxpayer.  I am a mother.

 Sincerely,

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Privet ... Hello
Kak dela?  ...  How are you?
Wednesday mornings are my Russian language lessons.  I was able to find a tutor that lives nearby through Craigslist that teaches and translates for Russian and Ukrainian.  I feel that being bilingual or trilingual is important.  Why shouldn't we learn other languages?  Why should everyone else speak English? (or "American")  Our family currently knows 3 languages: English, Spanish and ASL.  I am fluent in English, my Spanish is good enough to get my point across or to follow a conversation but it is woefully lacking in grammatical accuracy!  My ASL would allow me to converse with a 2-3 year old LOL. 

I LOVE diversity.  I relish it.  I come from a German/Czech/Austria-Hungary/English/Cherokee background that has been terribly Americanized.  My husband is Mexican-American with all the flair and flavor of that culture - Ole!  Our family celebrates every local cultural event and festival that takes place near us with our kids.  Ethnic food festivals are our absolute favorites: German, Lebanese, Greek, Italian, Mexican, Indian, Thai, and Celtic to name just a few.  Our anniversary tradition ties into this too.  Every year we pick a new restaurant or new type of food to enjoy.  Last year we went to a Caribbean restaurant ... we had conch fritters and oxtail stew.  It really was pretty good!  The conch was a sweet meat, like lobster or crab but with a very chewy texture.  The oxtail was divine.  Absolutely mouth watering ... stewed for hours and just fell off the bone... very tender and flavorful.  I always tell my kids that they can't say they don't like something if they have never tried it.  You might hate it and never eat it again, or it could be something that takes a more mature taste bud and you try again 10 years later and love.  You will never know what you are missing if you don't try it.

Life is a bit like that.  Some things take us out of our comfort zones.  Public speaking is a big one for many of us.  Adoption is another.  Is it a comfortable process to go through?  No.  It is scary, exciting, nerve wracking and awesome.  It makes you question who you are, what type of person you are or that you want to become and if there are things you want to change about your parenting ... whether it is the time spent together or just making the most of every moment.  It also gives you the opportunity to broaden yourself; open your heart and mind, meet new people and go to new places.  I have never traveled abroad.  It is a scary prospect, yet I will be traveling far away.  I am not good at mingling and small talk with strangers, yet I will be meeting other adoptive families, our facilitator, driver, translator and various public officials all throughout this process.  Sometimes it is good to challenge yourself and step outside of your comfort zone.  Take lessons for something that interests you.  Volunteer your time.  Try a new food.  Go back to school.  Foster or Adopt.  We are taking a new route and it is the scenic one... not the expressway.  I am going to try and slow down and enjoy the journey and not just the destination. 

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

So why is the name of my blog Mosaic?  Well, because I feel that is the best description of my family.  We are a lot of colorful pieces, none of them perfect, but put us together and we make a beautiful picture.  A mom, a dad, 3 daughters and a son with a score of aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews with a grandmother here and there.

Now, why am I *here* blogging?  I'm really not sure.  I was told that there are people interested in following our story, hearing about our journey to bring home another member of our family through adoption.  I'm still not convinced that anyone will actually READ this... but I figure I'd give it a shot.

Why, with 4 children, would we possibly want to adopt another?!?  Well, I guess to begin with, I've always wanted to adopt from the time I was a little girl but the timing was never right.  We had little kids and no money.  Then over the years it was never the right time.  My father's health began failing before my son was born and he passed away after a lengthy stint with hospice just before N's 1st birthday.  Then my mom passed away suddenly the week before my daughter C's first birthday.  Then we became my grandparents' caregivers as I was an only child of an only child, and their failing health and mental status kept us busy for the next handful of years until they too passed away at the ripe old ages of 92 and 93.  And that brings us to today.  We now have the ability to make our own life plans unencumbered from the needs of other family members.  We are now blessed with the freedom to take charge of our own lives without having to be tethered to one spot, and the ability to fund these decisions from savings instead of debt.   Anyway, to get back to the WHY, I guess it's because I have a heart for children in need.  We always have extra kids here playing and our own coming and going to friends' houses.  Going from 4-5 kids for us, won't be anything traumatic in and of itself... it won't change the mini-van we drive or the set-up of the bedrooms or the amount of  doctor visits or the school that the kids attend.  The atmosphere inside the home might be altered just like  two friends of your childs' that come over... one has a high energy level that keeps everything buzzing and makes you tired just watching them and the other child comes over, quiet and laid back and you never even know they are there. This is a bit of the unknown that we'll just have to wait and see.  We have a ton of girls here and nearby, so my son is often the only boy in a gaggle of girls and he is so excited to be getting a brother that can play video games with him, ride bikes or build Lego's!  Don't get me wrong, he plays with the girls, but there is only so much he can take of them when they go into boy bugging mode!

We have a boy in mind in EE that we found through an online adoption ministry specializing in children with special needs.  His needs only require a few adjustments in how we do things or modifications that are already at our house for J.  He and N should be close enough in age to be able to relate to each other without having direct competition and enough similarities and differences to make life together work well.  Was an older boy what I had always wanted?  No.  I had originally been looking at ages 3-5 with DS until I saw the write up describing this boy.  He sounded like he would fit in perfectly with our family's interests and activities.  Upon talking with my husband, neither of us felt that his age was an issue, so one hurdle over.  Then I came upon a blog from a family that was at this orphanage and had met him!  They spoke with him, played games and saw him interact with their child-to-be and others there and that put us at ease as to his age, personality and abilities.  I was obsessed.  I felt like this boy was meant to be in our family and that, even though I had never felt there was a missing piece to our family prior ... now there was!  I would send my husband blog links, email messages, photos, websites and heart felt pleadings for adoption.  I spent every night praying (something I had not done in years).  It wasn't automatic.  He had his reservations about our ability to travel this road, and even now, is cautiously optimistic.  First he agreed that there was no reason we couldn't adopt.  Then he agreed to doing a home study to "see if we qualify to adopt".  Then he agreed to committing to this child.  And here we are.  It is a process and although one portion, the actual adoption has a certain finality to it... building your family through adoption, just like birth, is an ever evolving thing... that as you bring them home, learn and grow together... no day is ever the same as the day before.  And I am looking forward to that.