A day in the life...

People tend to tell me that they are "sorry" when they hear that I have a child with multiple special needs.  I always felt that she was especially blessed.  She is an easy child, very loving and easy going.  She doesn't give me "grief" or get into too much trouble (at least not on any regular basis ;)  I had always thought that she was the lucky one.  She wouldn't have to worry about what she was going to "be" when she grew up, she'd just be herself.  She wouldn't have to stress over money or finances because we would make sure she was taken care of.  J wouldn't ever be alone, because she has a brother and sisters and aunts and uncles and cousins that all love her, even when her father and I are long gone. 

But then I was introduced to the plight of children with special needs in other countries.  Many of them are still 50 years + behind us in how we treat and care for our family members with down syndrome, cerebral palsy, and various other mental and physical impairments.  Where today, people in the United States are able to have large organizations such as ADA and the ARC fighting for their right to equal rights and accessibility with in our country; other places are not so lucky.

J began early intervention services as soon as she returned home from the hospital.  A teacher and therapists all came into our home on a weekly basis to help her reach various goals.  When she turned 2 years old, she was able to attend the local elementary school in their special education preschool class with transportation provided by the county.  When she moved up to school age, there was another class waiting for her with assistive technology and other aides to assist her in moving forward, and so on until she ages out of High School and then joins a day program.  She may even decide one day to try and live a more independent life in a group home with other people with special needs.  I don't know what the future will bring, but I do know that she will have one and that it doesn't look so bad.

In many other countries around the world, their young and adults with mental and physical impairments are shut away in institutions.  There are no wheelchair ramps, handicapped parking, handicap bathroom stalls, or phones and televisions with captioning for the hearing impaired. There are no accommodations for special needs in public or private settings.  You may be able to move around within your apartment, but could you get out of it through the front door, or down stairs, or into a doctor's office or government building?  Do the old buildings have wider doorways or an elevator large enough for your manual wheelchair?  Most likely the answer is no.

So what happens to children with special needs?  Most often, their families leave them at the hospital when they are born or to an orphanage as soon as their needs become evident.  It is an issue that needs to be resolved through the societies.  We were no better than them not so many years ago with our own mandatory sterilization programs and lobotomies.  But perhaps we can help them get to where they need to be quicker than it took us to learn it on our own.  We can show them how much these members of society can accomplish with a little faith and guidance. But until that happens, there are still orphans in need of moms and dads.

Here are a few children and families that could use our help and have been beautifully lifted up in other blogs as you can see here:

http://butbygraceitcouldbeme.blogspot.com/  Keegan, a 1 year old whose baby house is closing and is in imminant danger of being institutionalized!!!

http://godsrainbowsinourlives.blogspot.com/2012/04/waiting-children-post-4-28-12.html Please especially pray for Marcia who is 5 years old and has been sent to an adult mental institution.  She needs a family now to love her and help her recover from this traumatic event.

http://covenantbuilders.blogspot.com/  And then we have families in process of adopting some children with special needs that still need our help. 

Well, I'm just going to go with a post today that is on my heart.  I had wanted to advocate for the other families adopting that I know... but I can't get some of the kids off of my mind.. so I guess the other will have to wait until another day.

We have committed to adopting a certain boy and I know in my heart that this is the right path for us to take.  That doesn't mean that I am not drawn towards certain other children in need or that they don't touch my heart in some way.  These are the ones that I feel would fit into my family easily and probably many other homes out there as well. Their medical needs and diagnosis's are easily treatable here and I feel would be able to be brought into any size family with ease.  They all have very impersonal medical diagnosis's in their write ups, yet they could be my child.  I look at my kids and see those very descriptions in different ways.  I hope that you can too.

One of the first children I saw that grabbed my heart was "Marcus".  His little impish grin and almost dimple remind me so much of my own son that is the same age!

He is 9 years old and needs a home that is wheelchair accessible.  He has been asking for over a year for them to find them a family of his own. He is quiet and well mannered and very independent. He is doing very well in school and should continue to do so.  He hasn't had a whole lot to smile about in his life, and I would love for that to change for him!  If we could add another, I would bring him  home in a heart beat!

There is a beautiful little girl who is called "Aleksa".  At 7 years old, she is my youngest daughter's age!  Look at that SMILE!  She uses a walker, as does my middle daughter, and would probably need glasses.  That doesn't sound so overwhelming, does it?  I can tell you, that a walker will not slow her down in the slightest.  She loves typical kid stuff, playing with toys and games and I can just see her with her first BARBIE!

Another little boy who I think would fit into our family easy-peasy is "George".  At 5-1/2 years old he is ready to go to school and make new friends.  Although he has some health concerns that would need to be followed by specialists, it sounds like he would be able to live a long, happy, "normal" independent life!  I can picture him running and playing on the playground equipment, laughing at his friends and family and just being a typical kid.  Could he be yours?

And then there is 4 year old "Anne".  Look at her beautiful outfit all ready to go out to church or maybe a visit with grandma?  What a huge BOW!  In an orphanage, typically the bigger the bow, the more favored the child, she must be some one's favorite little girl there.  She has a seizure disorder, so a good neuro and medication would be needed.  She is behind in her skills, but if her seizures are not under control, she is missing out on being aware of the world around her during those times.  Again, having a child with a seizure disorder, seeing her all dolled up in her Sunday Best with her big brown eyes and brown hair makes me just want to hug her close and help her find her mommy.  She could so easily be one of my own.  Maybe she is yours?

"Marshall" is an on the go 2 year old ready to rock your world!  He was born with hydrocephalus (extra fluid in the brain) but looks like he has either already had shunt surgery or it is no longer an issue.  What does this mean?  Seeing a neurosurgeon to see how he is doing and if anything further needs to be done, probably with yearly follow ups just to keep tabs as he grows.  Not a huge deal in the US with our wonderful doctors and equipment, but in his country, if it gets worse, it could mean brain damage and death.  Are you dreaming that your family had a little boy in it?  Can you see matchbox cars, Lego's, and t-ball practices in your future?  Please consider "Marshall".

And what family could be complete without a precious little angel baby?  "Harlowe" is only 3 months old and have you seen a cuter little girl?!  She has been diagnosed with Down's Syndrome but there is no mention of any health impairments.  How wonderful would it be to have the chance to include her in your family and see her grow from an infant to adult and celebrate all those milestones with her.. rolling over, sitting up, taking her first steps, being able to say "mama" and "dada" to people who love her. To be there at her graduation and see her living her own life, something that is not possible in her home country at this time.  Here, her future possibilities are limitless!  Will you open your heart and home to this little one?

All of the above children are looking for adoptive families of their own.  I understand that everyone cannot adopt, if you could, then there wouldn't be any more orphans!  Be that as it may, could you do something for me?  If you could share their information via this blog would be one way to help.  The more people that see them, the better chance they stand of finding a forever family of their own.  Another way is to donate to their adoption funds, because international adoption is pretty expensive.  Sometimes having a grant to offer perspective adoptive parents can sway them to move forward when the lack of money in their pockets give them pause even when their hearts are willing and open.

More information on international adoption for special needs kids can be found at  http://reecesrainbow.org/

Do what you feel is right and where your own conscience leads you.  Thank you!

How to be happy is as easy as 1-2-3.
1.  Know what you want to accomplish in life.
2.  Have a plan on how to reach your goals and a timeline.
3.  Smile.  You have no choice in what happens to you in life, but you have every choice in how you react to the things that do. 

Many things in life we think will "bring us happiness": If only I had a boyfriend/girlfriend.  If only I had a new job.  If only I had more money.  If only I had a better (car, phone, tv, etc.).  No THING can make us happier, only our perception of the world around us can be altered to interpret our lives as something good or bad, happy or sad.  Everyone has trials and both good times and bad, it's life.  Love doesn't last without mutual respect, dedication and work.  Money doesn't cure disease or old age.  Newer and bigger things might come at the expense of time spent with your family due to more hours worked or a longer commute.  Things just take you away from what matters most - people; friends and family.

My husband and I took a long belated honeymoon and anniversary trip to Maui, Hawaii this year in celebration of our 20 years  together.  The weather and beaches were beautiful.  The people were friendly and a larger pot of multiculturalism than I had known... Native Hawaiians, Polynesians, Asians, Filipino, Portuguese, and more!  This is where our Nation dreams of as PARADISE.  Do you know what I saw?  I saw large areas of high end tourism with luxury resorts along the western coast.  Then I saw a lot of housing in central Maui that consisted of most of the working population that was either owned by multiple families due to the cost of property there or renters.  This used to be a huge sugar cane plantation with thousands of workers.. now there are only about 700 workers with one sugar mill left.  Rising labor costs have driven businesses overseas where the labor wages are less.  Then we took our tour along the Road to Hana.  On this drive, we saw multigenerational native land holders with no electricity, no water and living in shacks or house kits (the home building materials are delivered in like a small POD and the home is built, then the POD is used as a garage or storage shed). These houses are smaller than most people's garages.  Evidently they only come in Aqua because that seems to be all we saw along the way.  Don't get me wrong... it is a beautiful place, but it is far from IDEAL in every sense of that word. 

Sunday was Earth Day.  We need to stop thinking that More = Better, that quantity should be valued over quality.  It would take a big shift in thinking, but in mass this type of thinking of a better tomorrow over our wants and desires for today could change the world.  We only have one planet to call our home and we are all one People, no matter our color or country or religion.  I read "Genome the autobiography of a Species in 23 chapters" by Matt Ridley this weekend and there was one paragraph that specifically spoke to me where he wrote on page 76;
     "Even if a gene causes a disease by being 'broken', most genes are not 'broken' in any of us, they just come in different flavours. The blue-eyed gene is not a broken version of the brown-eyed gene, or the red-haired gene a broken version of the brown-haired gene.  They are, in the jargon, different alleles - alternate versions of the same genetic 'paragraph', all equally fit, valid and legitimate.  They are all normal; there is no single definition of  normality."

So in essence, if all expressions of genes are normal, then so are all people.  Whether you are tall or short, big or small, dark or light, blind, deaf, or have Downs syndrome - each one is normal and perfectly made.  Judea-Christian religions believe that God made each in his own image and now even science has bore out this theory as truth, each of us perfectly made.

Now if only there is a way to spread this message to the world.  A way to get everyone to understand that there is no difference between us.  The earthquake victim in S. America or the flood victim in Louisiana or the drought victim in Africa or the orphans in Eastern Europe are all our friends, neighbors and family.  None is more important than any other, whether they are right next door or half way around the world.  Often we have myoptic vision and life is centered directly around our daily lives and location.  We need to open our hearts and minds to the interconnectedness of our world and that it is all our neighborhood.

Spring Fever and a Mud Monster

About March when you first start noticing the warmer days, maybe some spring crocus or daffodils have emerged, this is when it first strikes.  You want to get outside, wash your outdoor furniture off, fire up the grill and get things tidied up in the yard... and that's when...the yellow pollen comes and takes over the world for about 2 weeks!  You are stuck back inside again - battling between opening the windows to the beautiful weather and keeping them sealed up tight against the yellow invader.  Either way, you are doomed.  This year, to top it off... you have an over abundance of green inch worms and their silky threads that are taking over every tree, doorway and mailbox in the neighborhood!

The kids and even pets get antsy and want to be outside as much as possible, running around and playing.  If you aren't careful... this may be what comes back...

I look at my seedlings and wish the days warmer and longer just to watch them spring to life... and be that much closer to my dinner plate!  This is one of the times of year I also miss my parents the most.  Dad and I would sit around looking through seed catalogues or going to nurseries on the weekends.  Sometimes we would buy things, whether there was a place to put it or not, and other times we would just dream big.  I am a planner.  I draw pictures and graphs to plot things out.  I have 6 month - 1 year - 5 year plans for my yard, our vacations and just about everything.  Sometimes it evolves and changes along the way, but for the most part, I stick with it.  So I have goals to look forward to whether it is spring peas, my koi pond, or bringing home an adopted son.  Dad on the other hand was a plopper.  If there was an empty spot in the yard - in went the new plant.  Was it the right soil or lighting?  Didn't matter.  If it didn't work out there, he'd just grab a shovel and relocate it.  His favorite flowers were roses and iris.  Every year new varieties and colors would come out and he would try to sneak an order or new plant past my mom, but was rarely successful without being caught.  I was his "partner in crime".  After he and mom passed away, we moved into their house, the one I grew up in and lived from the time I was 3 years old until I married.  I am still trying to get the yard into some type of order - things went wild without his care and attention.  Plants that aren't a nuisance to others reseeded, suckered and spread here.  Trees grew in odd places and vines stealthily crept forward until they could leap out of hiding to cover everything in their path.  It is a labor of love, but also of perseverance and some good ole hard work (hey, honey!  Does this count as "exercise"?)  I know that every time I plant something, pull a weed or look through a nursery catalogue they are with me and enjoying the view.  I can also stroll through the yard and point out to my kids the stories and memories that I have of my parents/their grandparents to help build their memory in more than just stories, but in ways that will help them to recall them with all their senses... the smell of dirt and flowers and herbs, the sound of birds and bees, the taste of veggies and fruits from our garden. 

Spring is a time of rebirth and remembrance for me... and I value it's lessons.